Benson's Sealing and Blessing

I'm sure I'll post more about this when it gets here but today we scheduled the temple for Benson's sealing to Anth and me! May 28, 2011!! In the San Antonio Temple! What a great date! Of course we wanted everything to take place in April (by law you have to wait 6 months from placement before being sealed and April 17 would be 6 months) but we can't go to court until mid May so Memorial Weekend it is!! We'll be heading up to Houston to finalize. The state of Texas is crazy, in that if we don't go back to the county Benson was born in, we have to redo everything, like background check, home study, home visits, etc. It'll just be easier if we go back.

We'll also do his blessing that same weekend!

We really can't wait for May 28 to come! We'll be together forever!

Can't wait to be sealed to this little man...

Jamison Sean Tuckett

A month ago today my 15 year old nephew Jamison was hit by a car, riding his long board (he just made), and was killed instantly. To say the least it was a shock. I happened to be in Utah when it happened. Earlier that morning Jamison came over to my parents house to have my mom give him a perm. We had such a fun day with him. I ended up helping with the perm, all the while giving him a hard time for getting it. He told me his friend was going to bleach his hair so he was getting a perm. He was so excited about it! It actually looked really good. If I didn't know he had straight hair, I'd think it was natural.

Before Perm

After Perm

Jamison was such a fun kid! He loved life! His passions were anything outdoors, including sports, camping, fishing, scouting, snowboarding, and helping my dad in the yard. He also loved working with his hands and had just made his long board and a cabinet for his dad. The day he passed away I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up and he told me he wanted to work in construction or forestry (really anything outdoors). Another passion was BYU football. He and Anth would argue about which Utah team was better. After any Utah and BYU game they would give the other a hard time, depending on who won and how the game went. When Utah won it was fun to see Anth get excited to gloat over Jamie and if they lost he'd say, "oh, I'm going to hear about it from Jamie." It was a fun relationship.



The services for Jamison were amazing! Over 1300 people came to the viewing and they estimated around 2000 were present for the funeral. The out pouring of love and support for Barbara, Sean and their family from their community was incredible! I was at their house the days following his death, going through pictures for the viewing, etc, and their house was like a revolving door. It was a neat experience to see so many expressions of love and condolence. One of the things that will always stand out to me from that week was the immediate feeling of peace. It was such a shock but we all felt that the Lord needed Jamison right then and that it was ok. From this tragedy came so many blessing, some yet to be seen.




Even though it's been a month I still can't believe he's really gone, that when we go home for our family reunion this summer, Jamison won't be there. Death is so hard for those left behind. Because of the gospel of Jesus Christ we know that Jamison is in a better place (I like to think that he and Will are hanging out together). I know we'll see him again. I can't imagine life without that knowledge.

Valentines Day

I love Valentines Day! I really do and I love thinking of fun ideas, of what to get/do for Anth on v-day. But as I went to bed last night I was so happy the day was over.

I got a fun idea to do for Anth off someone elses blog (I can't remember who, I looked at too many, sorry), some fun little love hearts. At 12:30 I was up feeding Bens so I set them all out around the house, in his car, and bag that goes to work with him. I was so excited for him to find them. Come 5 am when he got up to get ready for work...I was just getting back in bed from feeding Bens (it was the 3rd time that night). I was still excited for him to find the fun little love notes but told him to be quiet getting breakfast and not to wake Bens. About 5 min later I hear this huge crash and the babe starts crying. I had not replaced the lid to our full-to-the-brim granola bucket so when he went to grab it, it crashed to the floor. Needless to say, I went up to comfort Bens and Anth apologized and said he loved the little surprises everywhere. At that point I really didn't care about the surprises and told him to have a good day.

The rest of the day was ok. But our little man is majorly congested so needed to be held all day and didn't sleep longer that 15 min. We had decided earlier that we'd just stay in that night, I'd make dinner and we'd watch a movie. We'll when I started making dinner I put the needed amount of butter in the frying pan, about 3 tbl, turned on the burner, to about medium heat and then turned it off b/c I realized Anth wouldn't be home for awhile and I didn't need to start it yet. At about that time Benson got really fussy. He likes to look at the trees in our yard so I took him outside to calm down. He loved it and we were out there for about 5ish min, when I decided to go back in the house for a blanket to sit on the grass with. When I walked into the house it was half filled with smoke. Just like it looks in the movies. The whole stove looked to be in flames (really it was just the one burner but the flames were huge). I'm sure I said something like "holy cow" or "oh crap." I promptly remembered all the kitchen safety lectures I'd given to my students. I grabbed the pan, set it on the tile floor and threw a dish cloth over it, smothering the fire, distinguishing it. Then Bens and I opened all the windows, doors, and turned on all the fans in the house, trying to ventilate. Our stove is old, I think it was made before vertical blinds were invented. Two of the knobs are stripped, so really they can't be used and the other two, the front ones, are almost stripped. When I had turned the burner off I turned the knob but it didn't turn the burner off, just to high. Hence the fire and smoke. Also, we recently bought some smoke detectors but haven't installed them yet. (We will soon, very soon)

Anyway, the fun night didn't stop there. Benson and I waited outside for Anth to get home and to let the house air out. I was about in tears but then my neighbor drove up and came over to talk. While we were talking Anth got home and we started saying goodbye. At that point I took a step backwards, onto a loose brick (lines our flower beds) and fell back, smashing a bush, and scrapping my leg almost to the point of needing stitches, not to mention my broken pride. Basically I sacrafised myself and can say Benson wasn't harmed at all.

I still really like v-day but hope next year will be a bit less eventful.

Some of the hearts

Example of how I put them everywhere

4 Months

Benson is 4 months today! Where did all the time go?!? It's been such an amazing 4 months! I've loved every second of it!! He just had his 4 month dr visit today, so here are the stats...

Head 17.5
Length 26.5
Weight 16.135 lbs
(I don't know how he's doing on the charts b/c my dr doesn't have them or do them. I should google it.)

Here's a list of his accomplishments/talents:
-has found his toes, he loves to suck on his big one
-uses different voices, just loves to to yell at mom
-loves his saucer
-rolls over from tummy to back (see video below)
-hates his car seat
-has naturally crazy hair
-blows bubbles with his lips
-loves to look at/read books
-loves to grabs anything within reach
-pulls long hair, and short hair, and necklaces...
-loves baths
-laughs as dad takes him up stairs and mom runs behind
-survived 1st ear infection
-when he wakes up he'll just babble and talk until I come in and get him (the longest I've left him is about 15 min and he was as happy as can be)
-had 2nd hair cut
-had first trip to Utah/plane ride
-is the best/cutest baby in the world!

Here's some pictures of him recently.

Right after rolling over. He loves tummy time!

You can't see it but he's strapped onto the stroller, for a walk. It was a pretty chilly day.

He loves this thing.

Just before church, love the belt

Reading with Dad. He has to hold the book.

He loves his feet!!!

Rolling Over Feb. 1, 2011

1 Year

One year ago today I gave birth to a beautiful little boy. William was perfect except that he came almost 4 1/2 months early. He is one of the strongest people I know. I feel so blessed to have sat by his bedside everyday for 2 months, encouraging him to fight to live. I experienced more emotions during those 2 months than I have before or since. Over the past year there have been many times that I've missed him and longed to have him. A few things that I miss about him: seeing his many facial expressions, talking and singing to him, holding him, holding his hand or foot, changing his diaper (it was just about the only thing I was allowed to do to take care of him), and all the wonderful nurses and doctors that took such good care of him. I love that I have all those memories. I was looking in my journal today and noticed that I wrote almost every day Will was alive. I am grateful that I have all those days.
I've been asked a few times if having Benson has helped in the healing process, and of course it has. We have often commented that we wouldn't have Benson if William would have lived. But loving Benson doesn't take away the loss of or the love I have for Will. When we first brought Bens home there were a couple times that I struggled understanding that. I would feel guilty, like I was betraying my love for Will. (Do other moms feel that way when they have a second child?) But I now know I can love both my little boys. I am sad that that they won't get to play with each other or grow up knowing each other but Benson's middle name is William, so I hope he will always feel close to him.
There is a part of me that hopes that I'll never stop grieving for Will. That if I stop missing him, those 2 months didn't happen, that he doesn't matter. So every once in awhile when I see a child that was born around February 2, 2010, I will wonder what William would have been like, what he'd be doing, etc. But I will also be thinking that I know I will get to see him again and I know he's in a better place.
My testimony of the Atonement has increased in ways I never could have thought and for that I'm grateful. Families are Forever!